Dealing with Donks in the Colorado gaming towns

Before I even get into this issue I need to qualify that if you’re new to the game of poker, you’re excused in advance and not the target or subject of this wrath.

Is discussing Donks any different than whining about a bad beat? Probably not, but indulge me this week. OK, that said, let’s talk about Donks. What is a Donk?

A Donk is a poker player who is so completely thoughtless and oblivious to the game that they make horrible calls, worse bets and raises that make sense only if you’ve been dropped on your head from a decent height or if you’ve consumed the better part of a liter of tequila. They can’t lay down any hand, always assume they have the goods and have no idea why odds are part of poker.

Good poker players are supposed to love Donks except under two circumstances. The first is when they just disrespect the game the way Joe Cada and Darvin Moon did at last year’s World Series of Poker. It was a contest of which player could misread the other’s strength and weakness more. One hand after another was played, not showing finesse, but showing uncanny abilities to call or raise with weaker cards and then proceed to suck out a winner. I’d rather watch Olympic curling. It’s more strategic and skilled. Here’s to hoping that they telecast HORSE on ESPN next year.

The second exception to when we love Donks is when they go on a heater. Or even worse, when there are several loose aggressive Donks that all go on heaters. Let me illustrate. If I were to offer you a bet on a coin toss with a fair quarter and the deal is you pay me a dollar when I call it correctly and I pay you a dollar when I call it wrong, you’d play but it would be fairly pointless. In the long run we’d both break even. Now let’s say we use the same coin, but now when I call it wrong I pay you $6 or even $10 but when I get it right, you still only have to pay me a buck. Heck, you’d play that game with me forever, or at least until I emptied my bank accounts and maxed my credit cards. I’m playing coin toss the way Donks play Texas Hold’Em.

Let’s use a real hand to illustrate. The game was 10-20 limit Hold’em. I played 5♣5♠ in the cut off position. It had been folded around and I three bet the big blind. The button and small blind fold and the big blind called. Flop came 5♦6♣7♠. A nice set of fives. I was pretty darn sure that was the best hand at the time. Turns out, the Donk had called my raise with Q♦6♦ which really is a folding hand under any circumstance, but against a raise an in early position? Donk move. After the flop I was a 90-percent favorite to win the hand. Had the Donk put me on any pair larger than 66 or on suited connectors like 89, 87, 76, 65, or even weirdly on 48 he should have folded. I bet my set and he re-raises me. Donk. I re-raise and he calls with middle pair. Donk. I call.
Turn comes a 4♦ but I don’t think he’s made a straight, and in fact he hasn’t. The second diamond is ugly, but I’m still a 68% favorite and the Donk is getting horrible money considering his odds. Keep in mind that he’s beat with pairs better than 6’s and should think he’s beat with any straights and possibly with A or K high flushes. He’d also lose if he made his flush with a 7♦. Another 6 doesn’t help him as that too gives me a full house and a Queen doesn’t help either. I bet again and the Donk calls.

Well, the river brings an A♦. I bet again and he re-raises. I don’t put him on much and hope he doesn’t turn over the flush, which he does. So what can you do? Keep playing. Go back to the ATM and get more chips. You hope to play guys like this. What do you do when you have a table with three or four players like this? Keep playing. Hopefully the odds play themselves out before you get busted. By the way, if you read this and think the Q♦6♦ Donk played the hand well; let me know when you’ll be in Black Hawk so I can sit at your table!

~ Mark B. Lasser is Denver writer and international poker player. He regularly plays in Colorado, Arizona, California, Missouri and Nevada. His work has appeared in Bikini Magazine, Blue Travel and Warp. Readers can send questions and comments to him at ColoradoPokerMark@comcast.net.